Some years ago we (at the office) had an Intranet site for staff. The usual, something for sale etc. Someone started a Chuck Norris thread and I decided to ramp the discussion up a few notches and wrote the following. Later, a team at the University of Mumbai did accelerate a sub-atomic particle past light speed and later the C.E.R.N. Institute in Switzerland also succeeded. Of course the Mumbai team and the C.E.R.N. Institute did not use my notes (I posted this piece on the net) but it was interesting to see what I wrote in jest actually has happened.

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Chuck Norris is faster than light speed, (186,247 miles per second).

Chuck Norris is also more powerful than an atomic bomb.

It works this way:-

Chuck Norris can be everywhere at once. Being able to be everywhere at once questions fixed ideas held that no thing, object, sub-atomic particle, and so on can move faster than light speed.

Chuck being able to be everywhere at once makes a fundamental change to Einstein’s theory of Relativity and more importantly, the equation

E=MC2

Where E is energy, M is Mass, and C2 is light speed squared.

With C a variable and in Chuck Maths and Chuck physics the equation is this;

C or light speed becomes ( C^x) - C or light speed is raised to a power greater than it’s generally accepted finite 186,247 miles per second state and thus C is expressed as C^x where x is the factor greater than finite light speed or C multiplied and then squared the equation becomes

E=M(C^x)2

Therefore mass, the object, in this case Chuck Norris (M) being every where at once and faster than light speed produces an imbalance in E or energy produced.

So, working the equation backwards gives;

((C^x)2) X (M) = E^

This postulation gives the result of energy being itself greater then first calculated by Albert Einstein as a fixed result and the equation not taking into account the Chuck (or C as in light speed) variation to the energy produced which is actually more than the fixed value of E and becomes E^ or Energy raised to a power greater than it possesses.

Perhaps I should have included the last variable "y" in the proposition

((C^x)2) X (M) = E^y where "y" is the power to which E (energy) will be raised by. The initiating factor, the key factor which drives the equation is that by being every where at once, Chuckie has achieved singularity. In mathematics, a singularity is in general a point at which a given mathematical object is not defined, or a point of an exceptional set where it fails to be well-behaved in some particular way, such as differentiability. By achieving a singularity Chuck, in being every where at once has exceeded light speed by an infinite degree. That variable introduced into the classic equation. E=MC2 and applied to C increased by an exponential factor makes the modified equation work.

Essentially the C or Chuck Norris variable in the equation means that Chuckie boy is more powerful than an atomic bomb and faster than light speed.

QED.

Cheers to all from Aunty Jack.