How to enable startmenu slide animation?

Now, I may be one of the only people on the planet that actually wants to enable startmenu animations, but is it possible. I mean like how it was in Windows 98, where menus would slide open. I am using the classic theme and start menu. I'm posting this on the tech support area, because people I've talked to have said that this should be the default, or it should at least use the fade animation. Performance in system settings seem to not give me an option to set this, and in the effects menu from desktop properties, I have selected scroll effect, but this also does nothing. If anyone can help at all, that would be great. Thanks!
I have all animation related things checked, and in the event viewer, errors such as ".NET Runtime Optimizer" and "Service Control Manager" seem to come up frequently, but not when I open the startmenu. I will also point out that things like the quick launch icon menu slide correctly.